High-on-Fire

Awkward Directions On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (Gee, thats the only time I get to work on my hair.) (Not even in my dreams?) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nessesary! Details inside (The Shoplifter Special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap (And that would be how?) (If theres regular soap, then is there disel? Or unleaded? wait a minute... never mind.) On some Swan frozen dinners: Serving Suggestion: Defrost (But its just a suggestion.) (This next one is one of my favorites) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (Printed on bottom of box) Do not turn upside down (Too Late!

PROM NIGHT It was one night away from the biggest dance in the history of Southside High School, the prom, and Mark Daniels, the smartest student in the school and was also the wide recceiver for the school's football team, did not have a date. At football practice, Mark couldn't help but notice Brandi Taylor, one of the cheerleaders and the hottest girl in school talking on her cell phone. Brandi: Well I don't care how cute you think she is! Matt were Through! (turns off cell phone) Hmph! Mark: (thinking) If she just said that she and Matt were over with, than she wouldn't have anyone to go to the prom with! (yells) YES! Mark gets hit in

It all started as a normal day for David Walker, a citizen of Elmira, New York. A normal man he was. Just like anybody else who has a day job that sucks and lives in a small house. With a cup of coffe at hand, David reads the newspaper at the local McDonalds. He reads the headline for the main articlle on the front page: SENTENCED! David reads on: Elmira poilice have just arrested Brian McGinley for a major drug bust. What the police believed was cocaine ended up being granulated sugar in a lab test. The angerd Brian then sued the cop that arrested him for wrongly arresting an inosent man. The cop pleeded guilty and was sentenced for the rest